A year and three days ago, I graduated from university. In the months approaching graduation, I worked with my counselor to ensure that, no matter what situation I found myself in, I would be emotionally resilient and grounded after graduation. The plan was to focus on maintaining and growing my identity, practicing honest and open communication with myself and others, taking up space, holding myself and allowing others to hold me accountable, and taking care of my physical body. This was a great idea in theory, but there was truly no way for me to be prepared for the post-graduation low that hit me very hard. As my experience in university shaped, molded and dragged me, the months following graduation did as well.
Hello, real world
I went through a process of feeling very lost, unsuccessful, miserable, and disappointed in myself. I wallowed in these feelings for a few months and every aspect of my life was impacted. Interpersonal relationships hit rough points, friendships were strained, I felt physically ill and spiritually disconnected. I had people in my life who supported me, but I also felt very alone and like I was supporting everyone else; being a rock for others while feeling untethered. In many ways, I felt like I had regressed.
Emotionally and mentally, I felt like I had before I’d ever stepped in a counselor’s office. I knew this wasn’t true because I was more mindful about my thoughts and how they impacted me, but I felt like I couldn’t flip the energy, change the narrative and find the bright side like I usually could. I fell back into old habits like avoiding my feelings, not communicating openly and honestly, allowing myself to be consumed by everyone else’s life, not maintaining boundaries, and over thinking in a very black or white way without any space for gray. Physically, I went from maintaining this independent and faux self-sustained life to being back home with my parents. I stopped doing yoga and meditating and started eating emotionally again.
You are not alone
Everything seemed to be in a downward spiral until I started having open and honest conversations with other friends of mine who had recently graduated. Nearly all of us realized that we were going through it regardless of what job we had or didn’t have, if we were starting graduate programs or got rejected from all the programs we applied to, or even remotely had a plan. A major transition was happening and many of us, even the proactive, were unprepared for the onslaught of emotional, financial, mental, and physical turmoil. The thing that made it even more challenging was feeling like I was in it alone; like I was the only person who was having these thoughts and feelings when, in reality, I had plenty of company.
There was this excitement and denial, for some, about entering the real world. It was our time to call all of the shots, live our best lives, travel the world untethered, grow professionally and so much more. We were leaving behind our microcosm of the world and being thrust into the real deal with a new level of independence to explore. Depending on your education, 5 years prior, in high school, you were raising your hand to ask for the bathroom, had limited choices in your coursework and had a structured schedule. In college, there was more independence with a nice helping of structure and then BAM! hello, real world with no predetermined structure. That’s a lot to take in and adjust to.
Reshaping my narrative
As my conversations with friends and loved ones became more frequent, my mindset began to shift. I took time to tackle each of my negative thoughts and dissect them with my favorite question: why? Here’s an example of using why and question words constructively: Why do I feel unsuccessful? What does success mean? Whose definition of success am I trying to live up to? What is my definition? When will I start living my own definition? Will I be happier living my own definition? Following this type of self-inquisition of thoughts related to happiness, success, communication, etc., I took actionable steps to reshape my narrative.
This process will look different for everyone but for me, it took the form of my sticky notes self-care corner. This corner of my room became my structure, schedule and constant reminder of the things that amounted to success and resulted in my happiness at that time. The system was color-coded and categorized activities that fed my body, mind, and soul. I would shift around the notes each day and try to do at least 4 of the activities to ensure that I was doing something to feed my body, mind, and soul every day. Eventually, I did not need to rely on the sticky notes to do an activity in each of those categories. It began to happen naturally and felt like less of a personal challenge. Following this practice, everything in my life did not just fall into place. In reality, many other things fell apart but such is life. It’s all a matter of how you allow the external to impact your inner space, what I like to call my inner aura.
My view on life as a beautiful challenge has not changed; however, it has a new element. Life will continue to challenge me while I foster growth and change with my own challenges. In short, the beautiful challenge continues.
call to action – personal challege
For anyone who is going through a time of confusion, disappointment or any difficult emotion, take some time to take note of the thoughts that are feeding that feeling. Try this week’s challenge: self-inquisition.
