I have grown and shifted in ways that I did not know was possible in the past 6 months. With the goal of fostering my healthiest and happiest self, I removed myself from situations and relationships. I began to open up to my family about various aspects of myself that I kept hidden away. My awareness of the relationship between mind and body grew. I began to lead with love; a love that starts deep within and radiates out of me.
Where I was
Reflecting on the person that I was 6 months ago, I remember playing small, being ambitious, feeling overwhelmed with life situations, and existing in a state of fear and anxiety. Intense, vivid nightmares, panic attacks, and fatigue were regular. Above all, I had more questions than answers and I felt something pushing me. This was something I did not understand and that scared me.
The time for change is now
I discussed my fears and concerns with my family members, co-workers, my therapist, and some friends. The responses and advice that I got varied. With each conversation, my narrative about the push that I was feeling became more clear. The time for change, the time to take a leap without a clear next step, the time for faith, the time to lead with love was now. For context, I am known as a very meticulous, detail oriented person who is always following a set plan. Consequently, this shift appeared out of character. Today, I see that I was preparing to stand more fully in my self and my truth.
Allowing love to flow
My perspective about my goals and desires began to morph. I made moves with joy and love in mind. The fear around the shift began to fade. Gradually, the doubt became less crippling and before I knew it, I walked with the lightness of liberation. I had unburdened myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. This freedom opened up space for creativity and presence, which produced the outcome that you are reading and seeing now. Words, movement, and art that flow freely from a place of love, endless and deep within me. I no longer hide my creative side from myself and the world. I need not censor and move from a place of lack or judgement.
Part of the process
The words may seem simple, but the process involved awareness and was (and continues to be) gradual. Every interaction provides an opportunity; a choice to think and move differently; a space to inquire “what is motivating my response?”. In my case, the default was usually with the goal of other peoples comfort at my own expense. Thankfully, there are more moments when I choose a new option; I move, react and lead with love and respect for myself.
Magnificent multi-faceted being
A few months ago, I was fearful of myself and my magnificent, multifaceted self. Can I be an academic researcher, a dancer, an emotional being, a mover, a yogi, a lover, a plant, a creative, a friend, etc. all at once? The prospect was overwhelming. Today, I stand in the truth. I am a beautiful multi-dimensional being. I am enough. I am always worthy. I can be all of me at one time; now. Leading with love makes it a challenge for fear to deepen its roots. When the opportunity presents itself, which will you choose — love or fear?
